Why deal with difficult people

Direct confrontation does work well for some people in some situations. The success of these tactics for you will depend on your ability to pull them off. Each person is not spur-of-the-moment funny, but if you are, you can use your humor well with difficult coworkers. Note that you are escalating the situation. You need to prepare to talk to your boss. If the good wins, stop complaining and get back to work. Backtrack on these recommended steps and retry some of them when appropriate.

If the bad wins, redirect your energy to leaving your current employment. You can find out how to conduct a stealth job search and much more about job searching with these resources. You may unsubscribe at any time. Email Address. This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.

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Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page. Take notes and address the issues , not as interpersonal problems, but as issues affecting your productivity, the work and your progress on projects. Tell your boss exactly what the difficult person does. Make a plan to address the issues.

Recognize that a good boss is likely to bring your difficult coworker and his supervisor into a three or four-way discussion at this point. Expect to participate in follow-up over time. Rally the other employees who might have an issue with the difficult person, too—carefully. Sometimes, a group approach convinces the boss that the impact of the behavior is wider and deeper than she had originally determined.

Be careful with this approach, however. Know what works with your boss. You want to solve your problem, not make it look as if you are rabble-rousing and ganging up on another employee. Protect the needs of your business, but avoid working with the person when possible.

Leave voluntary committees, Choose projects he or she does not impact. Transfer to a new job within your organization. Depending on the size of your company, you may never have to work with this difficult coworker again. Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and focus instead on how you're going to go about handling them. This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.

Sometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of. You should avoid negative self-talk at all costs. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present.

To deal with toxic people, you need to recognize the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means tapping into your support system to gain perspective on a challenging person.

Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as explaining the situation can lead to a new perspective.

Most of the time, you will find yourself tested by touchy interactions with problem people. Thankfully, the plasticity of the brain allows it to mold and change as you practice new behaviors, even when you fail. Implementing these healthy, stress-relieving techniques for dealing with difficult people will train your brain to handle stress more effectively and decrease the likelihood of ill effects. A version of this article appeared on TalentSmart.

His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than countries. Elizabeth Pearson. Vincent Tricarico. Travis Bradberry. Mark Vickery. Eric Hanson. Skip to content Profile Avatar. Subscribe to Entrepreneur. Magazine Subscriptions. Blending is how you begin to build rapport with people and signal that you are really listening.

The only exception is yelling. With no interpretation and without parroting exactly, use some of his actual words to demonstrate your understanding. With Steamrollers, keep reflection to a minimum.

This is especially true on the feeling level with Yes and Maybe People. Next, ask clarifying questions to help your difficult person open up and to ensure that you fully understand all she has to say. The kinds of questions you want are open-ended, those to which there is more than a yes or no answer. They begin with what, how, where, who, when, and sometimes why—without an accusatory tone. The importance of this information-gathering stage cannot be overstated. It keeps you out of a reactionary mode and helps you bring all of the issues to the surface.

At the same time, it shows that you really care about what the person has to say. It can also begin to defuse emotions and help the person think more logically. The next step in the process has to do with attitude. This means giving the person you are dealing with the benefit of the doubt. If you are not sure about the positive intent, just make something up. Do you have any idea whom you want to go? Jennifer is a Maybe Person. She will delay her decision until there is almost no decision to make because the deadline has passed or people can no longer rearrange their schedules with the short notice.

Who have you considered? Susan had agreed to chair the annual PTO carnival. The second planning meeting was underway when Marge, the vice president of the group and also the immediate past chairperson, barged into the room and started to berate Susan.

What a dumb decision. As quickly as she had come, she turned around and left. Marge typifies the aggressive, angry style of the Tank or Steamroller.

Another water game might satisfy that interest just as well, but you do need to slow the Steamroller down before you can get to the whys. But watch your tone of voice. I want to make it a fun and safe day. Excuse me, Marge. Then speak about the situation as you honestly see it. I know you want the carnival to go well, the same as I do. We replaced the dunking booth with another feature for a good reason. Would you sit down and discuss our plans with us?

Once Susan gets her piece said, she will need to be ready to stop and listen again. When you have a Blank Wall, the person who chooses the ultimate passive response instead of an aggressive response, your tactics need to be a little different. First, even though you may not feel particularly relaxed, calm yourself.

It will not help to push, so plan plenty of time. Ask the open-ended questions with an expectant tone and body language. Try to lighten things up with absurd guesses as to the cause of the silence.

Difficult people are really all of us. Depending on the circumstances and our own perspectives, our behaviors can slip-slide into the childish, rude, or even churlish realms. The key is to think first instead of simply reacting when we feel pressured by time or by the competing interests and needs of others.

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